Why Can’t I Just Get Up and Cook?

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so it's fitting, my mental health has me on team struggle. Why? Because I hardly eat. 

If you would have told me that food played such an important part in the mental health journey, I would have told you, “You’re wildin”. 

I’ve noticed how tired I get and how angry I get when I haven’t had enough to eat, yet, the thought of getting up to cook something is too overwhelming.

More choices to make after making what feels like a million other choices. 

Making it through the day is hard enough and now I have to worry about food.

I go into the kitchen and stare into the refrigerator as if the food inside is going to change. Or, should I say, lack thereof. 

I make sure the kiddo has what he needs for sustinece, but I don’t think about me. 

Even when there is food, I will eat less to make sure everyone else has their fill. 

Eating has become a chore so naturally that extends to cooking. 

A lady who loves writing and talking about food who just can’t seem to get it together to make the food she wants to enjoy and indulge in. 

What am I to do?

I’ve read cookbooks that focus on mental health—Mind Over Batter by Jack Hazan; The Sweetest Therapy by Chase Cassini, LCSW; and Midnight Chicken by Ella Risbridger—none of them have inspired me to solve my cooking and eating dilemma.

I read food based fiction to entertain myself and make me want to get in the kitchen to no avail.

Is it time for me to give up on this food focused dream? 

I can write about anything if I care about it enough. 

But.

Food writing comes naturally to me. 

The history of my food journey encourages my every step. 

I suppose we all get like this sometimes. 

So lost in our minds that everyday tasks become mountains. 

Eventually, I will get back to eating and cooking. 

Until then, writing and reading about it will have to suffice. 

Xoxo~Christilisa

*Don’t worry, I had Taco Bell before writing this.*