Welcome to Another Season of Burnout and Failure

Happy Holidays I guess :p

It’s the time of year again where I set major goals and slowly devolve into a puddle of mess that is overwhelmed with life and wonder how I end up back in the same place every year. Maybe it’s because I've been in burnout since 2015. Yup, you read that right. It’s been almost 10 years that I’ve been dealing with the ups and downs of being second in my own life. A girl can’t do anything just for herself without the world falling apart. My world has been in pieces but you know I keep trying to put it back together for them to scatter all over again every damn year. 

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but there is still truth in my words.

Back in September, I had to go to the ER for my kidney stone. After seeing my doctor, it was determined that it was not going to pass on its own (it was 9mm!). Surgery was the only other option. 

On Nov. 7th, I had surgery and two days later I was back to work. (Writing doesn’t pay the bills yet. In the meantime, I work at Amazon in the warehouse.) I should have taken another day or two because work kicked my butt. It’s a physically demanding job some days and those couple days after surgery were the worst. My kidneys are still recovering but I’m feeling better each day. You would think that would be the end of my being sick but nope.

I got a stomach virus or something and was down for the count the past few days. 

The goals I had set for myself for November are slowly getting further and further away from completion. I started NaNoWriMo but haven’t written due to being sick. I haven’t updated y’all in a hot minute about the cookbook shorty (it’s still coming but it might not be until next year. I may scrap it and just do 12 posts for Christmas). I haven’t cooked a real meal in what seems like forever.

This makes me feel like I’m failing. I am, technically. It doesn’t mean I can’t recover but damn does it suck. The world is a dumpster fire and I am one more piece of garbage in the flames. But, there is beauty in the fire. What was once burned becomes new. 

I’m changing for the better (I hope). 

I’m not sure what this newsletter will look like in the next few weeks or next year, as I’m trying to decide what brings me joy and how to share it. There are a few Substack writers that are asking for pitches so I am working on that as well. Either way, I thank all of you for rocking with ya girl. 

Xoxo~Christilisa