Struggle Mode Activated
Welcome back to another week of moving hell.
Honestly, I want to throw everything away. It's still giving we have an overabundance of stuff even after the fam came to help get it together.
The place with the most stuff: the kitchen. How fitting, right?
I've opened up the kitchen again but it induces anxiety and overwhelm.
One positive from the past week is baking ninja cookies with my nieces and son.
Besides that fun baking moment, life has been lifeing.
I can't even bring myself to read. That usually means ya girl is in struggle mode mentally.
Sometimes, cooking/baking helps or reading. I find myself mostly writing or thinking about writing to help me work through the struggle. Though, I question whether or not I should be more vulnerable in my writing.
I've become more cautious about showing myself. Mainly because I feel like who cares about my life happiness and suffering. What's the point in the grand scheme of things?
The world is loud and I'm quiet. Where exactly do I fit in?
I suppose that's why I enjoy cooking/baking/reading. You get lost in a moment; everything is still. We find ourselves most when we are still.
I want more of that for y'all. Even when I'm struggling, I'm still thinking about the fate of the world and how we can be more understanding of each others experiences without diminishing our own.
There are two books in my life that I come back to when I feel like this:
The Philosophy of Andy Warhol
The Stranger by Albert Camus
They make me feel seen. Cliche, sure, but they are the perfect example of living in a loud world when you are quiet and you view society through a different lense.
If you ever have a chance to read them, please do. Even if they bring nothing to your life ( all books should bring something to your life), they will at least bring you closer to understanding one more person in this world.
Until next time,
Xoxo~Christilisa